The Original Series
MCCOY: Ensign Toonces is dead, Jim!
KIRK: No! What will I tell his bride of fourteen minutes? That I’m available? That seems too soon.
[Ensign Toonces appears in the next episode]
The Animated Series
MCCOY: Ensign Toonces is dead, Jim!
KIRK: No! What will I tell his bride of-
ALIENS: He is not dead. We simply did not understand your lifeform.
KIRK: Oh. So, his wife’s not available?
[Ensign Toonces and the aliens are voiced by James Doohan]
The Next Generation
RIKER: Captain, I regret to inform you that Ensign Toonces was killed in our encounter with the Borg.
PICARD: We shall forever remember his noble sacrifice for Federation values.
[Ensign Toonces is never mentioned ever again]
Deep Space Nine
BASHIR: I’m sorry, Captain. Ensign Toonces didn’t make it.
KIRA: But we destroyed the Jem Hadar shipyards at Kanarkus IV.
SISKO: But at what cost?! AT WHAT COST?!
[Ensign Toonces is never mentioned again]
Voyager
TUVOK: Casualty report, Captain. Ensign Toonces was killed during the Kazon attack.
JANEWAY: Toonces. Was he the one I…
PARIS: No, that was me, ma’am.
[Ensign Toonces is never mentioned again]
Enterprise
T’POL: Captain, Ensign Toonces was killed in an attack by the Xindi.
ARCHER: We will not stop until the Xindi are brought to justice.
[Tucker never shuts up about Ensign Toonces]
Discovery
BURNHAM: We have to find out what’s behind this anomaly before it tears the ship apart!
POORLY DEFINED BRIDGE OFFICER: I would, but… I have these feelings I’ve been holding back since childhood.
BURNHAM: Ohh. Let’s talk about that.
[Ensign Toonces dies in a plasma fire]
Lower Decks
RANSOM: Captain, the Packleds were driven off, but not before Ensign Toonces was killed.
FREEMAN: My, GOD! What a-
MARINER: Wait, Ensign Toonces? Is that any relation to the Toonces that served on the original Enterprise? Or the one that served on the other original Enterprise? Or the one that served on this secret ship I’ve been reading about online that went to the future and…
FREEMAN: BECKETT!
[Ensign Toonces is a recurring gag for the entire season]
Picard
RAFFI: JL, you son of a bitch. I’ll never forgive you for what happened to Ensign Toonces.
PICARD: Raffi, this is Seven of Nine.
RAFFI: Holy shi-
[The actor playing Ensign Toonces appears in the next episode as his own ancestor]
Strange New Worlds
NUMBER ONE: Captain. I’m sorry to report that Ensign Toonces was killed on the away mission.
PIKE: Damn. I didn’t know Toonces. But by his service record he seemed like a good officer. I’ll write to his family.
[A small shrine to Ensign Toonces is placed in the rec lounge and is there for the rest of the season]
