Moltz

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

The difference between Star Treks

The Original Series

MCCOY: Ensign Toonces is dead, Jim!

KIRK: No! What will I tell his bride of fourteen minutes? That I’m available? That seems too soon.

[Ensign Toonces appears in the next episode]

The Animated Series

MCCOY: Ensign Toonces is dead, Jim!

KIRK: No! What will I tell his bride of-

ALIENS: He is not dead. We simply did not understand your lifeform.

KIRK: Oh. So, his wife’s not available?

[Ensign Toonces and the aliens are voiced by James Doohan]

The Next Generation

RIKER: Captain, I regret to inform you that Ensign Toonces was killed in our encounter with the Borg.

PICARD: We shall forever remember his noble sacrifice for Federation values.

[Ensign Toonces is never mentioned ever again]

Deep Space Nine

BASHIR: I’m sorry, Captain. Ensign Toonces didn’t make it.

KIRA: But we destroyed the Jem Hadar shipyards at Kanarkus IV.

SISKO: But at what cost?! AT WHAT COST?!

[Ensign Toonces is never mentioned again]

Voyager

TUVOK: Casualty report, Captain. Ensign Toonces was killed during the Kazon attack.

JANEWAY: Toonces. Was he the one I…

PARIS: No, that was me, ma’am.

[Ensign Toonces is never mentioned again]

Enterprise

T’POL: Captain, Ensign Toonces was killed in an attack by the Xindi.

ARCHER: We will not stop until the Xindi are brought to justice.

[Tucker never shuts up about Ensign Toonces]

Discovery

BURNHAM: We have to find out what’s behind this anomaly before it tears the ship apart!

POORLY DEFINED BRIDGE OFFICER: I would, but… I have these feelings I’ve been holding back since childhood.

BURNHAM: Ohh. Let’s talk about that.

[Ensign Toonces dies in a plasma fire]

Lower Decks

RANSOM: Captain, the Packleds were driven off, but not before Ensign Toonces was killed.

FREEMAN: My, GOD! What a-

MARINER: Wait, Ensign Toonces? Is that any relation to the Toonces that served on the original Enterprise? Or the one that served on the other original Enterprise? Or the one that served on this secret ship I’ve been reading about online that went to the future and…

FREEMAN: BECKETT!

[Ensign Toonces is a recurring gag for the entire season]

Picard

RAFFI: JL, you son of a bitch. I’ll never forgive you for what happened to Ensign Toonces.

PICARD: Raffi, this is Seven of Nine.

RAFFI: Holy shi-

[The actor playing Ensign Toonces appears in the next episode as his own ancestor]

Strange New Worlds

NUMBER ONE: Captain. I’m sorry to report that Ensign Toonces was killed on the away mission.

PIKE: Damn. I didn’t know Toonces. But by his service record he seemed like a good officer. I’ll write to his family.

[A small shrine to Ensign Toonces is placed in the rec lounge and is there for the rest of the season]

danforth
firstfullmoon

In Sitka, because they are fond of them,
People have named the seals. Every seal
is named Earl because they are killed one
after another by the orca, the killer
whale; seal bodies tossed left and right
into the air. “At least he didn’t get
Earl,” someone says. And sure enough,
after a time, that same friendly,
bewhiskered face bobs to the surface.
It’s Earl again. Well, how else are you
to live except by denial, by some
palatable fiction, some little song to
sing while the inevitable, the black and
white blindsiding fact, comes hurtling
toward you out of the deep?

— Louis Jenkins, “Earl”