Moltz

We just got back from a visit to both sets of parents on the east coast. I was pleased to find The Beer Can was still in the basement fridge at my parents’ house. I don’t remember what year it was, but some time in the late ’70s or very early ’80s my parents purchased a six pack of Bud and one of the cans was completely unadorned, having somehow missed the labeling process.

For whatever reason, we decided this was a holy can of beer and should never be consumed (actually, I think we initially intended to drink it on a special occasion, but it’s been at least 30 years now so no fucking way is anyone drinking that).

One time in my senior year of high school I threw a party while my parents were away (NO, MOM, THIS IS NOT AN ADDITIONAL ONE, YOU ALREADY KNOW ABOUT THIS ONE) and had to literally jump across the room to prevent a drunken guest from unwittingly opening this can of beer. Which probably would have killed him and everyone else at the party, if not consumed the entire space/time continuum.

Some day this beer will find its purpose, which will be far more special than that of its long-gone peers.